Latest additions to the esteemed Harvard Dictionary of Music:

ALLREGRETTO: When you're 16 measures into the piece and realize you took too fast a tempo

ANGUS DEI: To play with a divinely beefy tone

A PATELLA: Accompanied by knee-slapping

APPOLOGGIATURA: A composition that you regret playing

APPROXIMATURA: A series of notes not intended by the composer, yet played with an "I meant to do that" attitude

APPROXIMENTO: A musical entrance that is somewhere in the vicinity of the correct pitch

CACOUGHANY: A composition incorporating many people with chest colds

CORAL SYMPHONY: A large, multi-movement work from Beethoven's Caribbean Period

DILL PICCOLINI: An exceedingly small wind instrument that plays only sour notes

FERMANTRA: A note held over and over and over and over and . . .

FERMOOTA: A note of dubious value held for indefinite length

FIDDLER CRABS: Grumpy string players

FLUTE FLIES: Those tiny mosquitos that bother musicians on outdoor gigs

FRUGALHORN: A sensible and inexpensive brass instrument

GAUL BLATTER: A French horn player

GREGORIAN CHAMP: The title bestowed upon the monk who can hold a note the longest

GROUND HOG: Someone who takes control of the repeated bass line and won't let anyone else play it

PLACEBO DOMINGO: A faux tenor

SCHMALZANDO: A sudden burst of music from the Guy Lombardo band

THE RIGHT OF STRINGS: Manifesto of the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Violists

SPRITZICATO: An indication to string instruments to produce a bright and bubbly sound

TEMPO TANTRUM: What an elementary school orchestra is having when it's not following the conductor (also common in municipal bands and community orchestras)

TROUBLE CLEF: Any clef one can't read: e.g., alto clef for pianists

VESUVIOSO: An indication to build up to a fiery conclusion

VIBRATTO: Child prodigy son of the concertmaster

AN-DANTE: A tempo that's infernally slow

ANTIPHONAL: Referring to the prohibition of cell phones in the concert hall

BAR LINE: What musicians form after the concert

BASSO CONTINUO: When musicians are still fishing long after the legal season has ended

BEN SOSTENUTO: First cousin of the second trombonist

CADENZA: Something that happens when you forget what the composer wrote

CANTABILE: To achieve a complaining sound, as if you have a sour stomach

COL LEGNO: An indication to cellists to hold on tight with their lower extremities

CON SORDINO: An indication to string players to bow in a slashing, rapier motion

ESPRESSIVO: Used to indicate permission to take a coffee break

L'ISTESSO TEMPO: An indication to play listlessly; e.g., as if you don't care

MAESTRO: A person who, standing in front of the orchestra and/or chorus, is able to follow them precisely

OPERA BUFFA: A musical stage production performed by nudists

PASTORALE: The beverage to drink in the country when listening to Beethoven with a member of the clergy

PESANTE: An effect distinctly non-upper-class

PIZZICATO: Too much coffee -- time to take a break

RUBATO: A cross between a rhubarb and a tomato

STRINGENDO: An unpleasant effect produced by the violin section when it doesn't use vibrato

VIBRATO: A device to assist female performers who have trouble when the music is marked "con espressivo"

skinny man becomes self aware!!

Here a skinny man get's the opportunity to fight for his very existance.. and fails.. watch the struggle
Why does this appeal to me, have you ever lost control of one of your own creations???

yea - FRANKEN-FLASH!!!

How to Make a Woman Happy

It's not difficult to make a woman happy. A man only needs to be:

1. a friend
2. a companion
3. a lover
4. a brother
5. a father
6. a master
7. a chef
8. an electrician
9. a carpenter
10. a plumber
11. a mechanic
12. a decorator
13. a stylist
14. a sexologist
15. a gynecologist
16. a psychologist
17. a pest exterminator
18. a psychiatrist
19. a healer
20. a good listener
21. an organizer
22. a good father
23. very clean
24. sympathetic
25. athletic
26. warm
27. attentive
28. gallant
29. intelligent
30. funny
31. creative
32. tender
33. strong
34. understanding
35. tolerant
36. prudent
37. ambitious
38. capable
39. courageous
40. determined
41. true
42. dependable
43. passionate
44. compassionate

WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:

45. give her compliments regularly
46. love shopping
47. be honest
48. be very rich
49. not stress her out
50. not look at other girls

AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:

51. give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself
52. give her lots of time, especially time for herself
53. give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes

IT IS VERY IMPORTANT:

54. Never to forget:
* birthdays
* anniversaries
* arrangements she makes






HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY

1. Show up naked
2. Bring food

Silver Serpent

Surf the night in the belly of the silver serpent through the jungle of steel under the cover of the asphalt and steam pipes of New York City.

Bags of mostly water sway in unison like so many eggs in the belly of the beast.

Every stop releases more to escape.

And the beast never goes hungry.

Wandering eyes find cracks in the shells of many - while too many others are weak from the blows life has dealt.

Paint from neighborhoods pass around the beast as his nightly migration continues hour after hour, and the clock ticks on as the heart beats strong and another schedule is maintained.

Inside the shell we quiver thinking of lives not where we exist.

Some of love or game and never do our hearts surrender.

When we ride the train.

Skinny Man Kicks Ass!!!

Watch the skinny man kick ass - he's awesome and the camera work aint bad either

CORPORATION policy

DEMOCRATIC

You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
You feel guilty for being successful.
Barbra Streisand sings for you.



REPUBLICAN

You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
So?


SOCIALIST

You have two cows.
The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.



COMMUNIST

You have two cows.
The government seizes both and provides you with milk.
You wait in line for hours to get it.
It is expensive and sour.



CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE

You have two cows.
You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.



BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE

You have two cows.
Under the new farm program the government pays you to shoot one, milk the other, and then pours the milk down the drain.



AMERICAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.
You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one.
You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when one cow drops dead. You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses.
Your stock goes up.



FRENCH CORPORATION

You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows.
You go to lunch and drink wine.
Life is good.



JAPANESE CORPORATION

You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains.
Most are at the top of their class at cow school.



GERMAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.
You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour.
Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.



ITALIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows but you don't know where they are.
While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman.
You break for lunch.
Life is good.



RUSSIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.
You have some vodka.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You have some more vodka.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.



TALIBAN CORPORATION

You have all the cows in Afghanistan , which are two.
You don't milk them because you cannot touch any creature's private parts.
You get a $40 million grant from the US government to find alternatives to milk production but use the money to buy weapons.



IRAQI CORPORATION

You have two cows.
They go into hiding.
They send radio tapes of their mooing.



POLISH CORPORATION

You have two bulls.
Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them.



BELGIAN CORPORATION

You have one cow.
The cow is schizophrenic.
Sometimes the cow thinks he's French, other times he's Flemish.
The Flemish cow won't share with the French cow.
The French cow wants control of the Flemish cow's milk.
The cow asks permission to be cut in half.
The cow dies happy.



FLORIDA CORPORATION

You have a black cow and a brown cow.
Everyone votes for the best looking one.
Some of the people who actually like the brown one best accidentally vote for the black one.
Some people vote for both.
Some people vote for neither.
Some people can't figure out how to vote at all.
Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which one you think is the best-looking cow.


CALIFORNIA CORPORATION

You have millions of cows.
They make real California cheese.
Only five speak English.
Most are illegals.
Arnold likes the ones with the big udders.

Klingon Personal Ads

BY MIKE RICHARDSON-BRYAN - - - -
Previously:"Klingon Fairy Tales."
- - - -
Vivacious female seeks virile male. Willing to compromise on appearance, personality, and hygiene. Big bat'leth a must.
- - - -
Now EAR this! Open-minded Klingon male seeks adventurous Ferengi female for discreet liaison. Lobe mites not a problem.
- - - -
No games. I'm a head in a jar with no money, no honor, and no teeth. But I still have needs! Are you the very special female who will feed me, clean me, and occasionally recaulk my neck? Reply to do_not_tap_on_glass@klingnet.com.
- - - -
I've been hurt before ... and I liked it. Male with low self-esteem seeks female with pain stick and soundproof basement. If you can dish it out, my thick leathery hide can take it.
- - - -
Where are you, Cuddlegrub? I miss you so much. She meant nothing to me, I swear! Come home and we'll work things out over a nice romantic knife fight. Your little tribble, Gnorg. P.S. Where do we keep the deep fryer?
- - - -
Do you feel lucky? Humorless widow seeks husband number 10. Must enjoy nights at the opera, long walks on the beach, and defending my honor against every imaginable slight, no matter what the odds. Let's grow slightly older together.
- - - -
Hailing on all frequencies! Male seeks female for fun, friendship, and hour after hour of wild, tooth-chipping sex. Lower your shields and prepare to be boarded, baby! Reply with photo or forehead cast to Box 16097.
- - - -
Do you like piña coladas? Do you also like getting caught in the rain? If so, then you're probably a weak, puny human. STAY AWAY FROM OUR FEMALES, YOU WEAK, PUNY HUMAN!
- - - -
Let's make sparks fly! Male with cybernetic implants seeks female with same. Original collarbones a plus. NO BORG.
- - - -
Are you the one? We were cornered at the battle of Narendra III and spent an unforgettable night together clubbing Romulans to death with our spent disruptor rifles. Oh, how the sight of you in that studded-leather battle corset made my heart race! But when reinforcements arrived and the tide turned, we were separated. If you managed to avoid being captured or killed, let's pick up where we left off.
- - - -

His Plan

Leading by example I say follow this..
Spit in this place your
loves, your trials
And this

Observations of life,
Proof that although God has a sence of humor,
God is no romantic.

His plan is as simple as Black and White.

In this world in which we live
there is Evil and there is Good
about these two opposites
a few things must be misunderstood

Each side is true unto itself
and is 100% pure.
Good is good Evil is bad
of this you can be sure

there must be more to this battle
for this is far too clean
where ever there is long held strife
nothing is what it might seem

each side has it's own agents
to turn black and white to grey
some help give you guidance

while others lead u astray...


what say YOU?

a feather cannot fly alone...