Latest additions to the esteemed Harvard Dictionary of Music:

ALLREGRETTO: When you're 16 measures into the piece and realize you took too fast a tempo

ANGUS DEI: To play with a divinely beefy tone

A PATELLA: Accompanied by knee-slapping

APPOLOGGIATURA: A composition that you regret playing

APPROXIMATURA: A series of notes not intended by the composer, yet played with an "I meant to do that" attitude

APPROXIMENTO: A musical entrance that is somewhere in the vicinity of the correct pitch

CACOUGHANY: A composition incorporating many people with chest colds

CORAL SYMPHONY: A large, multi-movement work from Beethoven's Caribbean Period

DILL PICCOLINI: An exceedingly small wind instrument that plays only sour notes

FERMANTRA: A note held over and over and over and over and . . .

FERMOOTA: A note of dubious value held for indefinite length

FIDDLER CRABS: Grumpy string players

FLUTE FLIES: Those tiny mosquitos that bother musicians on outdoor gigs

FRUGALHORN: A sensible and inexpensive brass instrument

GAUL BLATTER: A French horn player

GREGORIAN CHAMP: The title bestowed upon the monk who can hold a note the longest

GROUND HOG: Someone who takes control of the repeated bass line and won't let anyone else play it

PLACEBO DOMINGO: A faux tenor

SCHMALZANDO: A sudden burst of music from the Guy Lombardo band

THE RIGHT OF STRINGS: Manifesto of the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Violists

SPRITZICATO: An indication to string instruments to produce a bright and bubbly sound

TEMPO TANTRUM: What an elementary school orchestra is having when it's not following the conductor (also common in municipal bands and community orchestras)

TROUBLE CLEF: Any clef one can't read: e.g., alto clef for pianists

VESUVIOSO: An indication to build up to a fiery conclusion

VIBRATTO: Child prodigy son of the concertmaster

AN-DANTE: A tempo that's infernally slow

ANTIPHONAL: Referring to the prohibition of cell phones in the concert hall

BAR LINE: What musicians form after the concert

BASSO CONTINUO: When musicians are still fishing long after the legal season has ended

BEN SOSTENUTO: First cousin of the second trombonist

CADENZA: Something that happens when you forget what the composer wrote

CANTABILE: To achieve a complaining sound, as if you have a sour stomach

COL LEGNO: An indication to cellists to hold on tight with their lower extremities

CON SORDINO: An indication to string players to bow in a slashing, rapier motion

ESPRESSIVO: Used to indicate permission to take a coffee break

L'ISTESSO TEMPO: An indication to play listlessly; e.g., as if you don't care

MAESTRO: A person who, standing in front of the orchestra and/or chorus, is able to follow them precisely

OPERA BUFFA: A musical stage production performed by nudists

PASTORALE: The beverage to drink in the country when listening to Beethoven with a member of the clergy

PESANTE: An effect distinctly non-upper-class

PIZZICATO: Too much coffee -- time to take a break

RUBATO: A cross between a rhubarb and a tomato

STRINGENDO: An unpleasant effect produced by the violin section when it doesn't use vibrato

VIBRATO: A device to assist female performers who have trouble when the music is marked "con espressivo"

skinny man becomes self aware!!

Here a skinny man get's the opportunity to fight for his very existance.. and fails.. watch the struggle
Why does this appeal to me, have you ever lost control of one of your own creations???

yea - FRANKEN-FLASH!!!

How to Make a Woman Happy

It's not difficult to make a woman happy. A man only needs to be:

1. a friend
2. a companion
3. a lover
4. a brother
5. a father
6. a master
7. a chef
8. an electrician
9. a carpenter
10. a plumber
11. a mechanic
12. a decorator
13. a stylist
14. a sexologist
15. a gynecologist
16. a psychologist
17. a pest exterminator
18. a psychiatrist
19. a healer
20. a good listener
21. an organizer
22. a good father
23. very clean
24. sympathetic
25. athletic
26. warm
27. attentive
28. gallant
29. intelligent
30. funny
31. creative
32. tender
33. strong
34. understanding
35. tolerant
36. prudent
37. ambitious
38. capable
39. courageous
40. determined
41. true
42. dependable
43. passionate
44. compassionate

WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:

45. give her compliments regularly
46. love shopping
47. be honest
48. be very rich
49. not stress her out
50. not look at other girls

AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:

51. give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself
52. give her lots of time, especially time for herself
53. give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes

IT IS VERY IMPORTANT:

54. Never to forget:
* birthdays
* anniversaries
* arrangements she makes






HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY

1. Show up naked
2. Bring food

Silver Serpent

Surf the night in the belly of the silver serpent through the jungle of steel under the cover of the asphalt and steam pipes of New York City.

Bags of mostly water sway in unison like so many eggs in the belly of the beast.

Every stop releases more to escape.

And the beast never goes hungry.

Wandering eyes find cracks in the shells of many - while too many others are weak from the blows life has dealt.

Paint from neighborhoods pass around the beast as his nightly migration continues hour after hour, and the clock ticks on as the heart beats strong and another schedule is maintained.

Inside the shell we quiver thinking of lives not where we exist.

Some of love or game and never do our hearts surrender.

When we ride the train.